Sunday, July 24, 2011
I don't even know how to describe the season I've been in. It's been hard dealing with school, work, multiple roommate switches, and just when I think I've got one thing figured out and a load off my shoulders, a whole new batch of problems comes crashing on me. I've been in a drought in my spiritual life, its pretty sad, and I'm not at all proud of where I am. There's a yearning in my heart for more of what I had before, but my flesh takes over and I find myself fulfilling worldly desires with the movies I watch, the books I read, and the music I listen to. I turned on some worship music and decided to clean out and organize the hallway closet. It's been sooooo hot and dry here, when I heard thunder I was excited because we desperately need the rain. It thundered yesterday but never rained, so I didn't really think much about it. While cleaning, I found a huge box that had a bunch of text books that I had saved along with some of my old journals that I had filled during high school and college. This is where I poured my heart out to the Lord, a welcomed habit that I had somehow, unfortunately broken. I got up to throw something away in the kitchen, reading a journal entry as a walked. When I turned around to walk back, I looked out and the rain was POURING down! Just as the rain was falling, tears were rolling down my cheeks. I ran out onto the balcony and stood hanging over the railing so I could feel the rain. I realize I probably looked ridiculous to anyone who may have passed by, but the worship in the background and having read the old journal entries made for a beautiful moment. And I just had to feel the rain. I need a refreshing from the Lord and I know that I need to give him opportunity to do it. I'm letting myself get bogged down by the weight of the world and it's troubles. I just need to sit and be with the Father, letting His refreshing Spirit wash over me.